Dada 55

'I'm more used to danger than you are so watch yourself.'

I asked him if he wanted to go to the movies that night. He laughed again and said he wanted to see a film with Tom Hanks in it. I had to hurry back to work but I felt good.

By the evening, Mo had seemed to forget about being careful. After we met he seemed surprised to see me wearing a black piece of material and asked if I was in mourning. I told him that my dada had died. He wanted to know when it had happened, so I said: 'last week’ but I meant I buried him then.

He shuddered but he didn't say anything. I wanted to tell him  that it wasn't my fault, and that death is a part of life but I stopped myself because I remembered I'd already said that to my boss. And Iskra had said it to me. I know it doesn’t mean much, but anyone close is also a little bit guilty for someone else’s death. Some are guiltier than others. Look at my Ma and Da. The movie was funny in parts but then it got really stupid and melodramatic. Mo was weeping. He pressed himself against me. I stroked his cheek. Towards the end of the movie, I kissed him, but awkwardly so no one could see me. After we left, he came back to my Dada’s place.

When I woke up, Mo had gone. He told me he had to visit his brother who had some good weed. I realized it was Sunday, which annoyed me because I still had to work to make up the time. I don't like Sundays. I turned over briefly in bed to see if I could still smell the salt from Mo's hair on the pillow but because we were expecting a heavy trawl, I could not go back to sleep; even though I was still tired .I worked and didn’t even have time for a proper lunch at the café which was just as well. They would ask too many questions and who I’d been seen with.

Dada was the same .He didn’t like it when people asked him questions.

‘I have my own opinions the same as anyone else’ he said.